You know that feeling when you walk into a room and you don't know anyone, so you find yourself standing in one spot, glued to your phone, trying to distract yourself from all the eyes that seem to be judging you?
I've been through a lot of those moments, especially when attending work functions or new environments I've been invited to by a friend. Most of the time, I don't mean to keep to myself; it's just that I have a hard time starting a conversation with a stranger.
I'm someone who converses better in a small group of people, particularly talking to one or two people at a time. Crowds just swallow me up, and often, I find myself remaining in the background, feeling overwhelmed by the presence of others.
My personality is laid-back, but once I get comfortable with someone, trust me, I go all out.
People with more outgoing personalities might find it difficult to 'connect' with me, mainly because I'm not a social butterfly, but that doesn't mean my personality is bland; it's just a matter of finding comfort and something to connect over.
Then, people tend to label me. "Oh, she thinks she's all that," or "Oh, she thinks she's better than us," but the truth is, I don't think that at all.
What's interesting is that I work in an industry that requires me to be somewhat out there.
I want to reassure you that I have no issues doing my job, especially when it comes to speaking to people about a story. In fact, I do that easily.
It's in social settings that I don't seem to fit in or blend well.
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Introverts are truly misunderstood most of the time because we are always observing an environment or we tend to see who to stick around and who to keep our distance from.
I find myself attracting attention even when I don't mean to. It could be my outfit or sometimes I guess my aura.
Majority of the time I am hoping to be invisible and that people walk right past me without a care in the world.
I get nervous a lot when I am expected to socialise or speak to people. Sometimes that can come across as trying to be mysterious I swear I am not in the slightest way trying to be mysterious there really isn't much to share anyway.
And lately I find myself praying a lot and spending time to talking to God about my life more than people. People tend to weaponise even the smallest detail you share with them.
So, to protect myself from the drama, I just keep to myself.
As a result I don't have a huge circle of friends. The people that are in my circle are people I have built genuine relationships with and they know me through and through.
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As an introvert you tend to learn more about people when you listen rather than speak, in the slightest way they will tell you what they think of you or feel towards you before anything else.
We live in a world where you cannot trust people. However, I am not saying that it should stop you from finding genuine connections with people. Your tribe is out there, you just need to find it.
If you too are an introvert, I would that you pace yourself. Don't rush into making friends until you're ready.
Speak to people you are comfortable with and show yourself grace in social setting.
