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Zuma: Me pay, me stay

THE essence of Jacob Zuma’s speech on April Fool’s Day was: Me pay, me stay. In other words, I will pay for the non-security features at Nkandla, because I am being forced to, but then I am not going anywhere. (Pesky thing, that constitution.)

I kept on waiting for him to turn around and say: “April Fool! Of course I am going.” But unfortunately, the joke was on us. And the joke has been on all of us for the last seven years or so.

I keep on thinking of a cartoon I saw in 1987 when PW Botha was clinging to his presidency after he had had a stroke. The pressure on him to resign was enormous, but true to form he wasn’t having any of it. He was depicted (in Wizard of Id style) standing on a balcony with Pik Botha, with a crowd of people below. Pik says: “Sire, the people have come to say goodbye." The answer was: “Goodbye? Where are they going?”

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I was alarmed on Friday to learn that the special meeting of the top six ANC officials, convened to decide Zuma’s fate, was being held at the president’s private residence. I am not making this up. What are the chances that you are going to decide to can someone while you are snacking on canapés in his dining room? “More caviar, anyone?”

About as serious as it gets

All of this would be funny if it weren’t so sad. The unanimous decision of the Constitutional Court was that Zuma and the National Assembly flouted the constitution. This is about as serious as it gets. A bit like finding out that the head of the police fraud unit is printing counterfeit cash in his garage, or the head of a drug counselling centre is selling tik at the back door.

And then they are somewhat puzzled and hurt when told that what they are doing is unethical. If you have to explain to someone why something like that is unethical, you might as well not even try. It’s like trying to explain a joke to someone who has no sense of humour. It falls flat.

It will go something like this:

Us: You have taken money from the taxpayers to build a swimming pool and a cattle kraal.

Zuma: But I am the president. I can do whatever I like. Heh, heh, heh.
    
Us: You have allowed your friends the Guptas to hijack the state.

Zuma: But I am the president. I can do whatever I like. Heh, heh, heh.

Us: You have devalued our currency by trying to put your cronies into positions of power.

Zuma: But I am the president. I can do whatever I like. Heh, heh, heh.

Us: You have been found not to have the interests of the people and the country at heart by openly flouting the constitution.

Zuma: But I am the president. I can do whatever I like. Heh, heh, heh.

See, there’s just no arguing with that. You cannot explain to someone who doesn’t get it that self-interest is no substitute for a code of ethics. “But it’s just not right” sounds so lame in the face of brute self-enrichment, Machiavellian tactics and larceny.

Losing face vs losing votes

The ANC clearly had to choose on Friday between losing face and losing votes. A tough choice, admittedly, as the presence of Zuma as president during the upcoming election is a bit like entering the 100m sprint with your ankles tied together. But then, they also didn’t want to hand the victory to the EFF and the DA in the wake of the ConCourt decision.

So what now? Can the ANC afford to have him around for much longer? Or are his tentacles so far-reaching that people are willing to sacrifice the country to buy Zuma’s silence and cooperation?

I put my money on an exit about six weeks from now for ‘health reasons’. But then, I have always been an optimist.

It might be time for several current holders of high positions to consider their options. Maybe an honest job, such as a bank robber or a druglord?

* Susan Erasmus is a freelance writer. Opinions expressed are her own.

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