One thing about the workplace that very few people can escape – except for perhaps the guy who mans the remote light tower – is co-workers you cannot stand.
The problem with difficult characters is that they also bring out the worst in you, if you are not prepared or trained to recognise them. Once you have the power to deal with them, you will be able to change their behaviour in a manner that will make your working place peaceful and not a place where you are at constant war.
“Communication with problem people is similar to making a phone call. You have to dial all the numbers in the correct order if you want to get through. It is possible to learn the number, dial it correctly and completely transform your interactions with the people you cannot stand.”
In their popular book – Dealing with People You Can’t Stand – Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner offer ways to learn the correct number to dial for a number of “problem people” you may encounter in the workplace. In a competitive world one character that makes his appearance regularly is Mr Tank.
This colleague – or lo and behold, boss – is pushy and ruthless. They are loud and forceful, or act with the quiet intensity and surgical precision of a laser. The Tank assumes that the end justifies the means.
“While the Tank can rip you apart personally, the irony is that it is nothing personal. The attack is simply a means to an end result. And to the Tank, the end justifies the means,” says Brinkman and Kirschner.
Their advice to people when confronted by the Tank is to watch their own emotions. There are three typical emotional responses to an attacking Tank. And as the authors point out so sagely – they are quite instinctive, and quite futile.
1. In a burst of anger, you may be tempted to counterattack.
If you are a bit Tank-ish yourself, the urge will be to engage in war. And while you could win the battle, the war might be lost because the Tank might choose to escalate the fight by building an alliance against you.
2. You might attempt to defend, explain, or justify yourself.
For the Tank it is too little, too late. According to Brinkman and Kirschner, this might even further antagonise the Tank. “If the Tank says you are a genetic mistake, it is futile to offer your mother’s prenatal records,” the authors explain.
3. You could shut down.
The urge might be overwhelming to simply crawl into a corner and lick your wounds or conjure up images of how to take revenge. “You must avoid wimpy, weak, and fearful reactions at all costs.”
This will work against you. The answer is to find the courage to stand your ground. Nobody is suggesting that this will be easy, but an image that is used by the authors to visualise dealing with the person is that of a wound-up toy that has to unwind.
“Make it a mental habit to rehearse dealing with your Tank at least a few times, until you feel comfortable with the prospect of using it.”
It also never hurts – although it is mighty difficult – to put yourself in the Tank’s shoes and see the situation through their eyes. Your goal must be to command respect when under attack. “Tanks simply do not attack people they respect. Aggressive people require assertive responses.”
According to Brinkman and Kirschner it is vital to show strength without becoming a Tank yourself. “The strength of character that you reveal will ultimately determine the Tank’s perception of you and future behaviour toward you,” they reckon.
This article originally appeared in the 4 May edition of finweek. Buy and download the magazine here.