Networking without the awkward small talk

Picture the scene. You are at a conference, trying to balance a wine glass and a plate of cocktail food, while also making small talk with – and subtly promoting your own unique skill set to – a complete stranger.

Sounds like a special kind of hell, doesn’t it?

For people who don’t particularly relish social situations, the very idea of “networking” (interacting with others to develop professional contacts) is alarming. Still, connections are what keep the wheels of business turning. The bigger your network of relationships, the more opportunities you will have to expand your business and your career. The more people you know, the better your chance to find a job, or attract the best talent in the business. A strong network also helps with getting new customers, and finance or other support for your business.

Here’s how to keep networking painless:

It’s about quality, not quantity

Don’t try to make everyone in the room your best friend. Instead, focus on one or two people you would really like to meet, and focus on them. Before you go to an event, narrow down the list of people you want to get to know.

Reach out to them in advance, whether via LinkedIn, other social media, or an email introduction from a mutual friend, advises Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, which sold 2m copies.

“Not everyone will reply, but that’s okay. Some will! Set up a meeting if you can. Instead of wandering the halls during breaks, looking for someone to talk to, arrange for pre-scheduled one-on-one sessions so you know where to go, with whom, and what to talk about once you get there.”

Having a focused objective to meet particular people will also help you feel more in control amid hordes of name-tagged people.

Do your homework

Read as much as you can about subjects in your field, or the focus areas of the people you want to connect with. This will give you some solid conversation starters. Beforehand, rehearse a couple of opening lines and some points you could discuss.

Don’t talk about yourself

Self-promotion can be extremely off-putting. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel,” wrote the poet Maya Angelou. Instead of trying to get your own points across, listen carefully to what the other person is saying, ask questions, and make them feel important.

Think like a connector

In his best-selling book Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell identifies three types of personality types who can drive change: mavens (information specialists), salespeople (charismatic personalities who can persuade others) and connectors.

Connectors are powerful networkers. “They galvanise people. They’re natural hubs. That’s just the way they’re oriented to the world,” writes Gladwell. “These are people who, every time you ask a question, start flipping a Rolodex in the back of their mind, saying, ‘Who do I know who knows this? Who do I know who has done this? Who do I know that I need to connect you with?’ They love connecting you with people, because they’re all about the people.”

Connectors are generous and always eager to help. Even if you aren’t naturally inclined to be a connector, learn from this tribe. Always keep an eye out how you can assist someone by connecting them to your own network, or providing help in another way – for example by sending them an article on a subject they mentioned.

Follow up

If you said that you will send an article, send the article. Keep the relationship going by connecting with the person on a regular basis.

Don’t ask about job openings

This is an absolute killer in any conversation. Even if the person is working at your dream company, don’t ever put them in the awkward position of having to play HR to a complete stranger.

Online networking

Social media can play a powerful role in getting the attention of people in your industry. An evocative LinkedIn post on a hot topic can quickly help you establish new connections.

Be the speaker

There are people who would rather address a crowd about a topic of interest to themselves than make small talk about the peculiar weather conditions with strangers. If this is you, consider asking the event organiser whether you can be a speaker.

“Shy people will be surprised to hear this, but it’s much easier to attend a networking event if you’re the one giving the speech,” writes Cain. “Once you step off stage, everyone knows you. Even more, they know just how to start a conversation with you.”

If you don’t want to address a conference, volunteer to give a short talk at a small event, or just make yourself heard in the office.

Or get involved in the organising of an event. Handing out name cards will give you something to do and connect you with people attending the conference.

Get back-up

Bring a friend or a colleague to a networking event to be your wingmate. This support can give you more confidence to reach out to new people.

Widen your scope

Don’t always go to the same conferences and events; mix it up with new events that will enable you to establish new connections.

This article originally appeared in the 13 October edition of finweek. Buy and download the magazine here.